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Helpful Articles
Article 3 A bit of fun!
An old bloke in Melbourne calls his son in Perth and says, "I
hate to ruin your day, but I have to tell you that your mum and I are divorcing". "Forty-five years of misery is enough."
"Dad, what are you talking about?" the son demands.
"We can't stand the sight of each other any longer," the old
man says. "We're sick of each other, and I'm sick of talking about this, so you call your sister in Sydney and tell
her."
Frantic, the son calls his sister, who explodes on the phone.
"Like hell they're getting divorced," she shouts, "I'll take care of this."
She calls Melbourne immediately, and tells her dad, "You are
NOT getting divorced. Don't do a single thing until I get there. I'm calling
my brother back, and we'll both be there tomorrow. Until then, don't do a thing, DO YOU HEAR ME?" and hangs up.
The old man hangs up the phone and turns to his wife. "Okay,"
he says, "They're coming for Christmas and paying their own fares."
The latest marriage survey shows that most of us are true romantics. Over 70 % of first time marrieds say that they had found the one. Aaaaah. And over 85% think that mutual love and respect is the main ingredient. Unfortunately, that still leaves quite a large chunk of couples who don’t make it. So, if you (or your kids) haven’t yet made the leap, then save yourselves years of regret by doing some serious thinking
beforehand. As the old adage goes, marry in haste, repent at leisure. Sit down with your partner and consider these 10 critical questions as honestly as you can. If you answer no to any of them, then you need to work out if you can compromise. If you can’t, then you seriously
need to consider that they may not be the one. **************************** 10 questions couples should ask (or wish they had) before marrying *************************** Your home life 1) Have we discussed our expectations for how the household will be maintained, and do we agree who will do which chores? 2) Do we have a clear idea of each other’s financial obligations and goals, and do our ideas about spending and saving
fit together? Friends and family 3) Have we discussed whether or not to have children and if the answer is yes, who is going to look after them? 4) Do we value and respect each other’s parents, and is either of us concerned about whether the parents will interfere
with the relationship? 5) Do we like and respect each other’s friends? Beliefs 6) Have we reached a clear understanding of each other’s spiritual beliefs and needs, and have we discussed when
and how our children will be exposed to religious or moral education? Intimacy 7) Can we comfortably and openly discuss our sexual needs, preferences and fears? 8) Do we listen to each other and fairly consider one another’s ideas and complaints? Commitment 9) If one of us were to be offered a career opportunity in a location far from the other’s family, are we prepared
to move? 10) Does each of us feel fully confident in the other’s commitment to the marriage and believe that the bond can
survive whatever challenges we may face? Don’t hold back. Answer these questions honestly, and be brutal. Remember, a few tears now could save real heartache
(and financial clobbering) later. Taken from: The Shortcut Bulletin [pfc@electricmessage.co.uk] Love Yourself – and it doesn’t matter who you marry.
That’s the title of a best-selling book in Germany we heard about last week when we were working there, unfortunately it’s not available in English yet. But just the title gives us the idea – and it’s a helpful one – that the most important relationship of all is the one that we have with ourselves. Most of us spend lots of time and energy trying to get our partner to love us – and most of us can’t even do that for ourselves. So we are continually asking for what we need from others, rather than for what we are prepared to give ourselves. We are bound to be disappointed and heartbroken, feeling let down by others or worse. If we really did love ourselves in all aspects, then nothing anyone else did would press any buttons because there wouldn’t be any to press except the loving ones. So ask yourself these questions, and answer as a percentage with the first number that pops into your mind: If you saw yourself walking down the street, would you want to get to know you better? _______% How hard are you on yourself, how much do you beat yourself up for getting things wrong? ____% How much do you expect from yourself? ______% How much do you approve of yourself? _______% Would you want a relationship with “you”? Yes/No Our relationship is our mirror. Whatever those answers were for you is the same as you experience from your partner. In other words, how much approval you feel you get from your partner is the same as the approval you give to yourself. What you expect of your partner is the same as you secretly expect from yourself. This is the ‘big idea’ that really helped Jeff and me to change our relationship when we first discovered it. Before we had been blaming each other for everything, and the blame kept us completely stuck. Every time we tried to talk about anything we immediately started fighting about all the things the other person was doing wrong. Not surprisingly, we stopped talking. But this principle of our relationship being our mirror was the key for us. With it, we became true partners instead of sparring partners. We each have the key for the other, and together we can mend all our broken pieces. If I see him as a bully, where am I bullying? Or where do I believe I deserve to be bullied? If he sees me as weak, where does he believe he is weak? Today, start to take yourself more lightly. Make a promise to let yourself off the hook, to laugh at all the things that are still ahead of you to learn, to treat yourself with respect as a growing, healing being. And as we let ourselves off the hook we also let our partners off the hook and for that they will always be grateful. The reason for us to be in relationships is to learn to give and receive and if we make relationships or marriages about anything else we will pay a high price. Our partners are not placed on this planet to make us feel good. If you believe that, your partner will surely let you down and you will feel let down. The greatest of all secrets of relationships is that our partners change as we give to them, as we invest in them. If we learn this, then we will enjoy one of life’s greatest pleasures. Happiness. In this season of giving when we share our presents with others, let’s remember to give ourselves also, for our presence is the greatest gift. Thanks to Sue and Jeff Allen for this article
Psychology of Vision trainers ** Speak your mind Try addressing any issues that crop up in a way that doesn’t attack or blame the other person. So if something about your other half is bothering you, explain why and relate it back to them. For example, rather than
saying: "You’re always late home from work," you could say "I am worried when you don’t call to tell me you’ll
be late home from work." It’s much more effective. ** Make a date So arrange to go to the movies, or out to dinner or just a simple walk in the park. Make sure you allocate time every week
for you to just spend it together. ** Keep it a surprise ** If you’ve both got mobile phones, an easy way to put a smile on your partners face is to send a quick text message
before you leave work saying ‘I can’t wait to get home and see you.’ The trick is not to over do it: a sweet
note by surprise once in a while is much better than automatically saying ‘I love you’ everyday! A big thanks to Michael Graham of The Shortcut Bulletin for contributing this article. |
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